I am not

If I were to sit down and write the things that God has been doing in my life since I went to El Salvador, I would be sitting here for days. So, instead of doing that, I will say that my God cannot be described with words. He is great, almighty, my stronghold, my strength, my courage, my hope, and so much more.

Romania, El Salvador, where will God send me next? Well, He sent me to Missouri. Exciting, I know, but people here need God just as much as anywhere else in the world. This summer I am doing the work assigned to me by the Lord Jesus, by doing Bible Schools and camps. God is continuing to grow me.

In the meantime, I would like to share the many things that God is teaching me. I hope that you will be encouraged, and somehow God can use me to minister to you.

It is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. Phil. 1:20

Well, it's 12:32 a.m. The bags are finally packed, and now it's time for bed. As if I could actually sleep. Tonight the rest of the money that I needed was given. What a blessing! So many people have told me over and over that they are praying for me, and that is also a great blessing. Now there is nothing left to do, but wait. I am just in awe. I really can't describe what I am feeling, there is such a mixture of emotion.

God, thanks that You are God. Thanks that You are big, and that You love me. Words cannot express.

Prayer

I cannot tell you how much Sunday night meant to me. After church, all of the ladies there gathered around and prayed for me. I am struggling so mcuh during this time, and I was so thankful for their prayers. I am so thankful that God has given us the oppurtunity to approach Him in prayer. James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." There are still so many questions, and concerns about this trip, but I feel more peace about it now than I have before.


"I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.
I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O Bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee."

El Salvador

In two weeks from today, I will be in El Salvador. Wow. That's all I can say. I am still short about 600 dollars. I don't have the clothes that I need to wear. I haven't even looked at my lesson plans. I am feeling incredibly fearful, inadequate, and guilty. I don't know why I am going on this trip. I mean, I know what I will be doing there, but why am I going on this trip? Through this whole experience I have been so attacked by doubts, fears, etc... All I can say right now is to ask for your prayers. I need prayers now more than you can imagine. Pray for strength and courage. Pray that I will trust God. Pray that I will glorify Him.

Faith

Over the past few months, I have been having some huge struggles with doubt. It's almost as if I had absolutely no faith at all. Doubt and fear (which I mentioned before) have been my constant companions. A friend suggested that I read Hebrews 11. It is the faith chapter. Well, as I was reading it, I only found myself more agitated. These people's faith was counted to them as righteousness. If this was the case, what was my lack of faith doing? "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." "And without faith it is impossible to please Him..." (Hebrews 11:1 & 6 ESV)

In my little brain I wonder, where does faith come from? How do we get more faith? I don't really know. (If anyone has an answer I would appreciate it.) I started flipping through my Bible, and I came to Romans 4:18.

"In hope he (Abraham) believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, "So shall your offspring be." 19He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. 20No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, 21fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. 22That is why his faith was "counted to him as righteousness."

In verse 20, something caught my eye. "But he grew in his faith as he gave glory to God." Abraham's faith grew when he was praising God. No matter how I feel. I need to praise God, because He is God. There are many things in my life that I cannot see, and sometimes I don't believe that they will come, but I need to "believe against hope" that God will provide. I will praise Him.

"And I'll praise You in this storm, and I'll lift my hands.

For You are who You are, no matter where I am.

Every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand.

You never left my side, and though my heart is torn,

I'll praise You in this storm."

Casting Crowns