Victory

For the last three days I have been with family, family, and more family, from my mom and my dad's side. From brothers to cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, second cousins, great uncles, second cousins' children's mother, etc... Trust me, there's been a lot of family. Family is good, and I love them. However, there's been some grief too.

Thursday I got to sing at a funeral for my mom's aunt. While I am sick and tired of people dying, God was glorified on that day. I know that there were many people that were there that day that did not know Jesus. Thursday they were clearly told of their need for Him and how to accept Him. I'm not sure where they stand with Jesus now, but I pray that they will come to know Him.

Right after that we went to Illinois to have the Smith family Christmas. I couldn't help but think about Christmas last year. Last year's family Christmas was spent in a hospital waiting room in Memphis, TN. We were waiting for Jake to have his brain surgery. This Christmas we were back at Grandma and Grandpa's. Jaker was with Jesus. We cried for ourselves. Thank You, Jesus for Your promises.

It's been a somewhat emotionally draining time, "But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:57

Amen and Amen

O Christmas Tree

I'm sitting here looking at the family Christmas tree, and thinking. Christmas trees are kind of like history books, or memory keepers. Most family Christmas trees tell a story of the growth of a family. You might have the couple's first Christmas, Baby's first Christmas, etc... This year our tree is different. Gone are the paper ornaments with glitter and glue, plastic ones with paint runs from unsteady child hands. No more little kids live in this house. Only the best ornaments are now hung with care, although I do kind of miss the character that comes from the ornaments made at Sunday School Christmas parties.

Now the only ones that remain are the ones deemed especially important. Either they match the decor, or they are so steeped in Christmas tree tradition, that it wouldn't be Christmas without them. Yes, I know that Christmas would still happen if the Clear Kneeling Angel was not hanging on a tree branch, but it's always the first ornament to go up every year. On our tree, there are four "Baby's First Christmas" although I don't think any of them are mine, maybe someone else had two first Christmases.

The red sleds with each of the kids' names on them can be easily seen. Years ago mom made those for each of us. I already mentioned the kneeling angel, but two others match it. The dove and the Drummer Boy complete the trilogy of the clear ornaments. All of which are made of plastic, but as a child it reminded me so much of crystal, that I thought it had to be. Those three are always the first to go on, and they must be placed directly in front of a light, so that they glow all throughout the season. There are only three of them, and wherever they came from, we obviously received them before the baby of the family was born.The rest of the tree is filled with ornaments in the shape of Teddy Bears, Trains, Tractors, and Airplanes. Each of the kids had a collection from their "Favorite Aunt Rhonda" growing up, and the multitude of ornaments in each shape is a reminder of this.

Even with the ornaments made in childhood gone from this years tree, it still holds memories. Memories of past Christmases, fill the trees boughs. As I sit here, looking at the tree, and grow more and more Christmasy and nostalgic, I stop. I stop and think about past Christmases. I stop and think about how last Christmas, we didn't know that it would be Jaker's last. We didn't know that so many other things would soon be put into motion that would bend, break, and mold our family. I realize that I don't know what will happen in the next year. Whatever does, I can be confident that, just like this year, God will never leave me. He will still be God, no matter what. And while our Christmas tree is holding memories from last Christmases, it is a reminder of what God has blessed us with, and brought us through.

I think that this year we need a new ornament on our tree. Maybe one that doesn't match, but that reminds me, of this Christmas. This Christmas where I now know, more than ever before in my life, how big God is. I know now, more than ever, to find my hope, peace, joy, and contentment solely in Him. An ornament to remind me what He has brought us through this year. Then years later I can look back and continue to glorify Him for His faithfulness. Like the angels so long ago I can say, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!"

Christmas Time is Here

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I love the food, presents, time spent with family, music, movies, and so much more. Christmas music is all around. It’s on the radio, playing in the stores, and sung by carolers. What I love about this, besides the festive feeling that it brings, is that Christmas music is about Christ! Seriously, when else can you go to Walmart and hear praises to God being played over the loud speaker? It’s true that some of these songs are not very realistic. Do you really think that Baby Jesus didn’t cry, like it says in Away in a Manger? Or, with all of those people that were in Bethlehem, do you think that it was quiet and still, as it says in O Little Town of Bethlehem? Probably not. However there are some great truths that can be found in these songs.
Two songs that I have found a new love for this Christmas simply share not only about Christ’s birth, but also what it means to us.
The first song is Good Christian Men Rejoice. The first verse speaks of Christ’s birth, but I love the last verse.

Good Christian men, rejoice
With heart and soul and voice;
Now ye need not fear the grave;
Jesus Christ was born to save!
Calls you one and calls you all
To gain his everlasting hall.
Christ was born to save!
Christ was born to save!

Praise the Lord, that we don’t need to fear the grave and death anymore, for Christ was born to save!

The other Christmas song that I love is God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. For some reason, I don’t hear this song very often, but as an instrumental version of it was playing in the car the other day, I was singing along in my head. This is when I actually realized what the song said.

God rest ye merry, gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember, Christ, our Saviour
Was born on Christmas day
To save us all from Satan’s power
When we were gone astray
O tidings of comfort and joy,Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

Since Jesus came into the world, we are rescued from Satan’s power. He cannot beat us when Christ is on our side. What comfort and joy this should bring to us! So, as you are out and about this Christmas, listen to the music around you. Listen to the words of many of those great Christmas carols. Praise God, for He came as a baby, not to stay a baby, but to die for you and me. He came that we might be saved. That’s what Christmas is about.

Just a Note

Seeing as I have had two different missions sites, I have combined my Romania and El Salvador posts at

http://girl4god.wordpress.com/

I'll still be posting here, but this makes it easier for me to combine information about my two trips.

A Truth

Life is hard, that's true. It's just as true that God is still God no matter what. In that truth, rejoice!

Love

I hurt. Yep, today I hurt, because I love. I mean I don't only love today, but today is a day that I hurt more than usual.

I hurt for the people sitting beside me that don't love my Jesus. I just want them to know Him, and to love Him.

I hurt for my Christian brothers and sisters who say they love Jesus, but refuse to completely surrender their lives to Him, to know Him more, and to love Him more.

I hurt, because I love.

Today's verse for the day - Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8

Thank You, God, for the hurt, that comes from the love that I have, that comes from knowing You.

This is Me

On my gallivanting around the World Wide Web, one of my favorite stopping off points is the "NASA Photo of the Day" website. http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/archivepix.html





Today I clicked on one of the pictures, and this is what I saw.

It was an interesting picture of a lighthouse shining in the foggy night. When I saw it, these three words came to mind, "This is me."

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. - Matthew 5:14

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. - Matthew 5:16

I am a light to the world. Am I shining for Him?

Just When I Need Him

Well, this morning pretty much was not fun at all. I had a nasty test, received my GRE scores, and was told that I would have to stay another year at school. So, as you can see I was a little upset. (I also want it to be known, that I wil NOT be staying at school another year, that situation will be resolved another way. That is what I was told though.)

So, as I was walking to work, and rather upset I started humming a song without even realizing it. I hummed it for 5-10 minutes before I even realized what I was humming. It was an old hymn that we don't even sing that often at my church. As I hummed and realized the words to the song, God comforted me, and for that I am thankful.

Just when I need Him, Jesus is near,
Just when I falter, just when I fear;
Ready to help me, ready to cheer,
Just when I need Him most.

Just when I need Him, Jesus is true,
Never forsaking all the way through;
Giving for burdens pleasures anew,
Just when I need Him most.

Just when I need Him, Jesus is strong,
Bearing my burdens all the day long;
For all my sorrow giving a song,
Just when I need Him most.

Just when I need Him, He is my all,
Answering when upon Him I call;
Tenderly watching lest I should fall,
Just when I need Him most.

Just when I need Him most,
Just when I need Him most,
Jesus is near to comfort and cheer,
Just when I need Him most.

The World, at My Back Door...

Okay, first, there is a dispute among my friends and I, which of the two doors that lead into my apartment is the back door. Secondly, technically, there is not much directly outside either of those doors, although there does seem to be a snake that likes to hang around outside our home.

However, despite all of that, God has been showing me that the world really is at my back door, metaphorically speaking. He has also been showing me that it has been that way for quite awhile. I just didn't care. I've been to Europe and Latin America. I love to travel, but here in Hannibal, MO God has brought the world to my back door. As with most colleges there are international students, but I have a unique opportunity to connect with them. I get to teach them English for the semester. In my class I have 14 students that speak three different languages, and are from seven different countries, which include Spain, Brazil, and Turkey. Fourteen different people, with different backgrounds, religions, all having one thing in common. They need to know the love of Jesus.

My first response to that has always been, "Great, they need Jesus. Who would be the best person to tell them?" Then God reminded me that it was not about who would be the best person. It was about me realizing that I was the one that needed to be showing them God's love, not because of who I am or what I can do, but simply because of what Christ did for me.

"I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations." Isaiah 42:6

Whenever anyone leaves their back door, they are entering the world. That sounds incredibly simple, I know, but we are to be a "light to the world." (Matthew 5:14) The world is at my back door. Am I being a light?

It is a Fearful Thing...

There is a verse in my Bible, from Hebrews 10, that I have underlined. When I was reading from there this morning, and I read that verse, and I read that verse it occurred to me that it is one that is probably too often overlooked.

It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. - Hebrews 10:31

It's a whole lot nicer for us when we think about the loving characteristics of God. This is especially the case when we are disobeying Him, and we know it. "Oh, it will be ok. God will forgive me. He loves me."

Yes, God does forgive, and He does love, but He is also just. This verse reminds us that He is living and not just sitting in Heaven ignoring our actions. The verse right before that reminds us that "The Lord will judge His people." Notice it says His people. That means Christians, not just unbelievers.

It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. - Hebrews 10:31

And now, a friendly reminder...

Isn't crazy when God just reminds us in the most unusual ways, that He is God, and our job is to praise Him? So, I'm eating my delicious, gummy, peach rings from Bass Pro, and I look at the Nutritional facts. At the very bottom of the label was a little saying.

"Take time for family and pray. Always give praise."

What a random place to share that we are to praise God

"You who fear the Lord, Praise Him!" Psalm 22:23a

Hold Fast

It is the end of summer. I can't help thinking about the title of my last post when I write that. The end of summer is really just the beginning of school. The beginning of my Senior year in college, the beginning of new friendships, more homework, coffee house chats, and oh so much more. Usually, I write an end of the summer post. I tell what I did, and what I learned, etc... I really don't want to look back over the summer. Yes, some amazing God things happened. God grew me a lot. Still, I would have to say that it was the hardest summer of my life. So, instead of my usual "End of the Summer List" I'm just going to share a bit about what taught me.

My verses for the summer were:
Ephesians 6:10-20
Phil. chapter 1, especially verse 20
Proverbs 3:5-6
Nahum 1:7

And oh so many more.

I would have to say the thing that God taught me the most the summer was just how we have to hold fast to His Word. There were times that the only thing I was able to do was hold fast to a verse that God reminded me of. I really can't explain it, but God just grew me in how I needed to hold fast to His truths and promises.

As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience. - Luke 8:15

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. - Hebrews 10:23

The End is not the End...

Last weekend, I was at the end of my rope. I didn't see anyway that I could make it through this next week. I was in dire need of some good God time, because I was only getting Him in small spurts between chasing kids. I was tire, and just kept telling myself, just make it to August 3rd. I was so incredibly focused on the end of my summer missions service. I figured that I would deal with my lack of God time, lack of emotions, etc... August 3rd, which was the official end of my summer work. I knew that this wasn't the best thing, and it was Christa prioritizing logically, not letting God have control. I told Becky that I didn't have time to spend a lot of time with God, because I was so busy dealing with other people. She told me to ask Him for time. Well, I didn't, but He gave it to me anyway. I got sick.

I was sick the whole week of camp (and I still am). I feel like I just slept the whole week away. I would go to bed at 10, with my meds (which make me sleep a lot), sleep until 8, and then have a couple of hour naps during the day. Hoewever, each of these times before I went to sleep, I had some really good time with God. The week was kinda hard. This was the first camp all summer that I dealt with teenagers. I felt more like a mother than a camp counselor.
"You are not allowed to leave the cabin wearing that shirt. Those shorts are way too short. Keep your hands to yourself! You know the rules."

However, like I said, I did get to spend a lot of great time with God. One day I was reading My Utmost for His Highest. It talked about how we focus on the end of something that God has called us to, but that is not the end in God's eyes. The end is our obedience. When we are obeying what God has called us to, then that is the end. I had to focus not on August 3rd, but on my obeying God. Obedience is the end.

When the time comes that all you can do is say, "God, I need You." He is still there. He is still God.

Seeing Eternity

This past week in Bible School, God impressed on my again what I had shared in the last post. One night we were talking about John the Baptist. The question was, "Why would John wear weird clothes, eat bugs, and live in the desert?" One kid replied, "Cause he knew that he was going to heaven!"

Sure, John did those things, because he was obeying God. He was fulfilling prophesies from hundreds of years before, and with God's strength John was able to live an uncomfortable life. However, just as the boy said, John knew he was going to heaven. He knew this world was not his home, and things here are only temporary. His eyes were set with an eternal focus.

So often we focus on our problems here on earth, when we need to remember that this world is not our home. We have the promise that these troubles will soon pass away. Because of Christ, we will get to put our troubles behind us and spend forever praising Him!

"It will be worth it all, when we see Jesus. Life's trials will seem so small, when we see His face!"

Since we have such a hope...

One morning in Sunday School I was looking up a verse, and I came across 2 Corinthians 3:12. "Since we have such a hope, we are very bold..." I had that verse underlined, because it talks about being bold. However, that day God brought the first part of that verse to my attention.

See, last fall when my Granny died, and then my 13 year old cousin was diagnosed with cancer, again, there was a lot of talk in my family about hope. It wasn't always a hope of my cousin being healed, or my granny getting better. It was a bigger hope than that. It was the hope that God is still God, and one day He is coming to take us away. One of the most powerful moments for me during the beginning of Jake's illness was on a Sunday morning. My family and my grandma went to church, while everyone else stayed at the hospital. We are sitting in church, and I was just so overwhelmed at the thought of everything. Then they started singing this song, and I just sang and cried.

It will be worth it all,When we see Jesus.Life's trials will seem so small.When we see the Lord.

Today I was reminded of that hope. Then I wondered, how does having that hope cause me to live my life differently? I should not live in fear (Phil 1:28), I should be living differently, as should all Christians. This sets us, and the way we should live apart from others, "Since we have such a hope."

I am not

If I were to sit down and write the things that God has been doing in my life since I went to El Salvador, I would be sitting here for days. So, instead of doing that, I will say that my God cannot be described with words. He is great, almighty, my stronghold, my strength, my courage, my hope, and so much more.

Romania, El Salvador, where will God send me next? Well, He sent me to Missouri. Exciting, I know, but people here need God just as much as anywhere else in the world. This summer I am doing the work assigned to me by the Lord Jesus, by doing Bible Schools and camps. God is continuing to grow me.

In the meantime, I would like to share the many things that God is teaching me. I hope that you will be encouraged, and somehow God can use me to minister to you.

It is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. Phil. 1:20

Well, it's 12:32 a.m. The bags are finally packed, and now it's time for bed. As if I could actually sleep. Tonight the rest of the money that I needed was given. What a blessing! So many people have told me over and over that they are praying for me, and that is also a great blessing. Now there is nothing left to do, but wait. I am just in awe. I really can't describe what I am feeling, there is such a mixture of emotion.

God, thanks that You are God. Thanks that You are big, and that You love me. Words cannot express.

Prayer

I cannot tell you how much Sunday night meant to me. After church, all of the ladies there gathered around and prayed for me. I am struggling so mcuh during this time, and I was so thankful for their prayers. I am so thankful that God has given us the oppurtunity to approach Him in prayer. James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." There are still so many questions, and concerns about this trip, but I feel more peace about it now than I have before.


"I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.
I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O Bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee."

El Salvador

In two weeks from today, I will be in El Salvador. Wow. That's all I can say. I am still short about 600 dollars. I don't have the clothes that I need to wear. I haven't even looked at my lesson plans. I am feeling incredibly fearful, inadequate, and guilty. I don't know why I am going on this trip. I mean, I know what I will be doing there, but why am I going on this trip? Through this whole experience I have been so attacked by doubts, fears, etc... All I can say right now is to ask for your prayers. I need prayers now more than you can imagine. Pray for strength and courage. Pray that I will trust God. Pray that I will glorify Him.

Faith

Over the past few months, I have been having some huge struggles with doubt. It's almost as if I had absolutely no faith at all. Doubt and fear (which I mentioned before) have been my constant companions. A friend suggested that I read Hebrews 11. It is the faith chapter. Well, as I was reading it, I only found myself more agitated. These people's faith was counted to them as righteousness. If this was the case, what was my lack of faith doing? "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." "And without faith it is impossible to please Him..." (Hebrews 11:1 & 6 ESV)

In my little brain I wonder, where does faith come from? How do we get more faith? I don't really know. (If anyone has an answer I would appreciate it.) I started flipping through my Bible, and I came to Romans 4:18.

"In hope he (Abraham) believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, "So shall your offspring be." 19He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. 20No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, 21fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. 22That is why his faith was "counted to him as righteousness."

In verse 20, something caught my eye. "But he grew in his faith as he gave glory to God." Abraham's faith grew when he was praising God. No matter how I feel. I need to praise God, because He is God. There are many things in my life that I cannot see, and sometimes I don't believe that they will come, but I need to "believe against hope" that God will provide. I will praise Him.

"And I'll praise You in this storm, and I'll lift my hands.

For You are who You are, no matter where I am.

Every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand.

You never left my side, and though my heart is torn,

I'll praise You in this storm."

Casting Crowns

Time passes by

I just realized that today is January 26. One year ago today I was on my way to Romania. So far, that trip has made the biggest impression on my life. I saw God in ways that I never thought I would, and I learned so much about Him. So very much has happened in my life since that trip. Some of it was good, and some of it was bad. God is still God. He is God here. He is God in Romania. He is God in El Salvador.

There is something else special about today. I realized that it was on this day 15 years ago, that I asked Jesus to come into my life, and save me. At the time I gave myself to Him. I had no idea where He would lead me, but He is good. I don't know where my God will lead me in the next 15 years, but He is good.

"Oh no, You never let go, through the calm, through the storm.
Oh no, You never let go, in every high, in every low.
Oh no, You never let go, Lord, You never let go of me."
- Matt Redman

I'll be Strong and Courageous...

I struggle with fear. Soon I will be in a new country that I have never seen before. I have read and been told that sometimes it is not safe in this country. That scares me. I don't know where I will be staying, or what food I will eat. That scares me too. I realized that all of my anxiety about this trip to El Salvador was coming down to one thing. That was fear. Fear was creeping into my life, and taking control. Here is what the Bible ways about fear:

In the first chapter of the book of Joshua God is talking to Joshua, the new leader of the Israelites. (I've always thought of Joshua as a brave person, I mean he wasn't scared of the giants in the land.) God tells Joshua three times to be strong and courageous.

6 “Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. 8 Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. 9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” NLT

In Psalms 31:24 it says, "Be strong and let your heart take courage, all who wait for the Lord." - ESV

Dueteronomy 31:6 says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you, or forsake you." - ESV

These verses I hold in my heart. When fear and doubts assail me, I must remember that I have been told to be Strong and Courageous.

There's a song by Audio Adrenaline that is my theme song right now. These are some of the words.

"I will follow, wherever You lead me.
Wherever You are, underneath the stars, is where I want to be.
I will lay down, this old life of mine.
I leave behind all things of the world, just to follow You.

I'll be strong and courageous. I'll live my life for, You, my only King.
You're my God, through all the ages. Here am I. I am Yours. Send me."